Took a real long time to write this one. As it was one of the most requested post and I couldn't write about something that I didn't it do myself. Not just from reading books on emotional stability but also applying them and seeing how many worked while how many did not. Jumping from one option to another here are a few ones that were of immense help to me. When everyone and everything outside seems dark, negative, sad. It is just gesturing to the feeling we have garnered inside. Apart from having friends, who can listen to you repeat the same lines almost thousand times, for they know you just need to be heard right now and family who always stand strong for you. Here are a few tips that showed results, I hope it works for you as well.
1. Realize:
We cannot control what people do to us. They will treat us according to their level of understanding of matters but we definitely can control how we react to them when they don't act according to the way we think. We cannot give someone our rigid frame of their identity and tell them who they are. The more we want them to be the way we think is perfect for them we lose our own peace of mind and invite more and more pain. Realize we are different people, born under different signs, raised in a different environment. Changes are inevitable, but when you love and appreciate them, they surely will try to bring the better version of themselves out. It is time we realize we cannot make everybody happy.
2. Let go:
Today, sit back all by yourself and say "sorry" to yourself. For you know the pain that you are in is because you are the one who is causing all the pain that you are in right now. This pain is much more than that of what people gave you either by hurting you, cheating you, lying to you or abusing you. The pain is because you are not being able to let go, you are still holding on to the memory of the pain. Today and right now please close your eyes and think of everyone who you think was unjust to you, who you think have hurt you and say I forgive you. Let them go from the memory. Everybody had a reason to be there in your life at that moment of time to teach you something. The longer you hold on to the grudges the longer you will be in pain. Forgive them and forgive yourself too. I remember a day when I was walking with my friends holding a balloon as it makes me happy, but some how it slipped from my hand as I looked at it I said I am letting go. Letting go of everything that is making me sad, letting go that is hurting me and I smiled, so genuinely. Try it once I bet it will be of help to you.3. Accept:
Accept that you are worthy of all the good things and people that you think of. You have to love yourself before you go there and wait for someone to love you. See you cannot wait for someone to come and make you happy. If you cannot make yourself happy trust me there will be no one who can. No matter how hard they try you will not be satisfied. You will be like the empty leaking cup no matter how hard we try we won't be able to fill it. You are an amazing being. You don't have to run after people to show what your worth is. Stop bending so much for people. No matter how much you do for people they will only remember the time you said no, the time you hurt them. Will you only feel beautiful when somebody says you are beautiful? Will you feel good for that certain moment when you were complimented and feel low about yourself the rest of the time? Why? Why don't you feel comfortable in your own skin? Why do you love yourself by looking through someone else's eyes? Dear one, you are amazing the way you are. Every little thing has a purpose. You are an awesome creation of God why do you keep forgetting there are things only you can do to make this world a better place? You cannot give what you don't have. If there is no love inside you what will you give to others? If you are full and overflowing you can fill the other empty one.
4. Attachments:
It hurts because it mattered at a certain time. We are social beings and we create attachments over time but when they don't work the way we think they should we usually start creating walls, or deep pits thinking to keep our little self safe but unknowingly what we end up doing is just isolating ourselves. We keep our walls so high that even we cannot break it even when we want to. We usually get hurt when we expect the other one to understand, act according our thoughts, read minds but isn't it unfair? You two are two different beings. Instead of dropping hints just let the other one know what you are actually thinking, what you want them to do. Many a times the other has no clue what is even bothering you as different people have different perspectives.5. Communicate:
Before communicating with someone else sit back and communicate with yourself.
Your likes, your dislikes, where you can adjust where you cannot, what are the boundaries, what is it that you are looking for, what makes you happy, your ideals etc when you don't know yourself well how can you expect someone else to understand you. Instead of making stories about someone in your head, waiting for them to read your mind, go ahead put aside your guards and communicate but also look for the response and decide what is to be done next.
6. Mental Notes:
This is my personal favorite. We feel low sometimes, we are humans and we have feelings so it is normal but that doesn't mean you can stay hurt or sad for a week or so. I usually respond my opposite thought to my brain for example if something is irritating me I say this is calming me down and I smile. Even as I am writing this down there is a great chaos going outside my room, dogs barking on top of their voices had it been before I would have already gone out, showed my anger and come back more frustrated but these mental notes that I passed on to my brain these sounds don't bother me as much as it would have. Even the phase of being a teacher has soften me down where I usually would have been angry I just look at the other and think they are way to young to think at my level and I smile even when I have issues with my colleagues I look at them and pass on a mental note saying they are different beings to be thinking like me and out of no where I smile. People will hurt you, they aren't you but if you keep thinking about it day after day who is going to be at loss? My dear it is you. Let them be, forgive them like I already said you have no control over the other, but you can control on how you react. We usually blame the situation, the other person or anything else for justifying our action but reacting to it was your choice, solely yours. At moments at such what is inside us comes out, if it is anger, hatred, negativity or love, compassion, forgiveness. Whenever a situation comes where your inner peace is at stake be strong enough to walk out of it, no matter who is in front.
7. Keep aside fears:
First know that whatever is coming you have your own back, put the faith in yourself before you want someone to put the faith in you. Trust yourself, love yourself, stand for yourself before you want someone else to do it. Imagine how many problems you went through and came out stronger of it. You will always be there for yourself, so don't worry what will the other say, what will the other think sometimes people don't even see you, even if they do what can you do about the thoughts in their head? Nothing, don't be afraid to do what you want to even if there are people saying it otherwise. Go, for it. You never know that might be your true calling. Go face your fears. I know easy said than done but before writing it for you all I actually went and faced a few of my own fears. Hospital being one of it, but I know now my fear was what was keeping me captive. It has weaken its hold over me.
8. Meditate:
I am still in the learning process but this has helped me a lot. I couldn't keep calm when the thoughts were running wild, but slowly it wasn't about the complete silence rather observing my own thoughts and why trying to understand why were they there. Guided meditation always helps if you are a beginner.
9. What you eat:
This has affected me a lot. What we eat also has a lot to do with how we feel and who we eat with also makes a difference. No matter where the food has come from if it is in front of you, send your positive vibration by either saying a short prayer or thanking the ones whose efforts you didn't see.What you take in also affects us in ways we don't see.
10. Books and Music:
Motivational books have actually helped me a lot. A few books were suggested by my friends and all of them were pretty much amazing. Books on healing, books on stability, acceptance, looking at the bright side, managing ones income, and about people who made the most of the wrong situations and came out of it shining. Soothing music, like the ones we use as background music while meditating can be listened to, to calm you down.
